


Stifling

by Mishafer



Series: Saturating the Reibert tag with Actual Reibert Fics [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Angst, Closet Sex, Comfort Sex, Dissociation, First Time Blow Jobs, Frottage, Hand Jobs, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Nightmares, Porn with Feelings, did i mention feelings, like a lot of feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-12
Updated: 2017-05-18
Packaged: 2018-10-30 20:34:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,560
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10884435
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mishafer/pseuds/Mishafer
Summary: Bertholdt's been having nightmares as his second appearance as the colossal titan nears. Reiner does what he can to calm his nerves.Or, Reiner and Bertl's up-until-then ambiguous relationship turns certified Something More(™) after someverysweaty late-night fondling.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I am so so so so obsessed with Attack on Titan I can hardly breathe. I practically stan the whole cast but SINCE IT'S ME I have a special love for the antagonists and all their heavy baggage. This is my very first venture into writing for another fandom btw. It's new and scary and but awesome?
> 
> (pssst come check me out on [Tumblr](https://thecolossustitan.tumblr.com) where I've become trash for this anime)

“Hey, hey, it’s okay. I gotcha.” Reiner holds Bertholdt's arm to keep him steady. He knows the nightmares are back. They’re alone this time, a survival retreat pitting them against the elements again. Thankfully, it's not winter, and their team was small enough to allow them their own space. The four remaining bunks in their cabin room unoccupied. It’s proved useful thus far, allowing them privacy for discussing upcoming plans.

Bertholdt pulls his long legs from beneath the covers and crosses them, moonlight from the window illuminating his drained features. Reiner asks, “Was it Marcel again?”

His jaw tenses. “No, it was one of _those_.”

Half of Paradis probably has nightmares of being devoured by titans—at least those who have seen one. But Bertholdt’s are creative. The creatures chew him alive despite their mouths being large enough to swallow him whole. Even as they chew him to unrecognizable mush and pieces he’s still able to feel every ounce of blinding pain. Reiner's grateful he never recalls his dreams anymore.

“Damn, I’m sorry.” Reiner caresses his arm. “Why is it every night now?”

“Why do you think?” The sharp response almost makes Reiner jump.

Of course he knows why it’s every night; the colossal titan is slated to reappear soon. Though whatever deep-seated psychological reason that translates into dreams of being eaten alive is beyond him. Perhaps something about still being as small as the rest of humanity despite their ability to become giants. Annie said so in passing one day and the words stick with him. She has the gift of being able to say so much in so few words.

Whatever. Dwelling on things like that is unhealthy.

“Sorry,” Reiner says, leaning back a tad. “I’m an idiot when I’m half asleep. You know that.”

Bertholdt licks throughout his mouth as if trying to taste something— _imitating how the titan of his dream tasted him?_ “No, _I’m_ sorry. Go back to sleep.”

“Not a chance. I have to get your mind off it. That’s the rule.”

Bertholdt collapses against his friend, head resting on his shoulder. Reiner smiles a little, thinking him kin to a tired puppy flopping down on the rug after a rough day of play.

Reiner wraps an arm around him, the soft cotton of his friend's shirt damp with sweat. Fingertips trace small circles across his back. His other hand finds Bertholdt’s wrist and he swears heat radiates off every inch of him. Flowing outward and through Reiner’s own skin. Bertholdt always runs hot. Trainers from their hometown assured them the immense heat of his titan doesn’t affect his human form. But that’s not what Reiner meant when he commented on it. In many ways, his Bertl burns beneath the surface and has far before any serum ripped through his young body.

The silence breaks when Bertholdt lets out a sob. Reiner’s protective instincts roar into full gear. Damn if anything, even his own mind, is going to hurt him.

His fist tightens around Bertholdt’s wrist, thumb brushing a racing pulse point. “I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I don't know how to...”

Then an idea. Maybe it’s preposterous, but it’s something. Leaning back, he smooths a lock of unwashed hair from Bertholdt’s forehead. Half-lidded eyes look back at him with utter exhaustion.

Reiner’s lips touch Bertholdt’s forehead, resting there for a few moments. Cheeks warming and stomach clenching, he says, “Let me take care of you.”

“You already are.”

“I mean, let me help you get back to sleep.” He trails his fingers down his clothed chest. "Calm your nerves."

He perks up. “Are you—do you mean...”

“If you want.”

They've been there before. Young boys experimenting with one another. Many times kissing back home, and two incidents here of fondling through clothing ending with sticky underwear. Almost a year has passed since the last time. Didn’t change anything between them then, shouldn’t change anything now.

Bertholdt swallows and gives a semblance of a nod. “Okay.”

And in something so unlike him, Reiner—the man of action—is unsure what to do next. He’s no virgin as it would be unlikely strapping young cadet Braun would graduate with his cherry intact. There had been a flirty young female cadet eager to relieve him of his affliction. Bertholdt got the details afterward because he rocked her world and briefly forgot he wasn’t infact a normal guy gleefully telling his best friend he got laid.

 _“This isn’t why we’re here!”_ Bertholdt had exclaimed.

Reiner understood, hunching his shoulders and staring at his feet. But the encounter meant nothing. As little as a ‘how are you’ greeting. Easily done and easily forgotten. Of course, he knows Bertholdt can’t imagine having sex without forming an attachment.

Maybe he shouldn’t be doing this.

But Reiner at last finds himself springing into action and kisses him. All saliva-wet lips with an occasional flick of his tongue. Bertholdt’s kissing back with much more vigor than he expects while in such a state. The heat flows off him in waves, sending a thrill through his body. He palms Bertholdt though his pajama bottoms and there’s an immediate twitch. Bertholdt blushes and one is creeping up Reiner’s neck too. They move closer, Bertholdt again resting his head on Reiner’s shoulder.

“I gotcha,” Reiner says as he pushes inside his friend’s bottoms and grips his stiffening cock before taking it out. Prickles of heat run down his back, the whines Bertholdt lets out against his neck pooling in his groin.

Stroking up and down his length, Reiner rests his head against the side of Bertholdt’s. His friend's breath hitches and he has to admit this is getting _really sexy_. His Bertl is so needy and getting harder by the second. He knew it all along. Knew the wince at Ymir’s latest crude sex joke was a loose cover for the fact he’s just like any other guy his age.

Really horny.

Reiner wonders if he ever touches himself. Stealing moments in the restroom or in their full quarters at night. Jerking it until he’s breathless and coming all over himself. Reiner shifts against his underwear in search of the tiniest bit of friction.

“Reiner,” Bertholdt whimpers against his skin. Both are straight sweating, clothes sticking to their skin and Reiner’s mouth like sandpaper.

His friend’s hips buck as he runs his thumb across the slippery precome-tipped head. He squeezes along the underside of his shaft as he recalls from previous encounters the spot is sensitive.

“Oh, god,” Bertholdt sighs.

Something in him snaps. Despite his clear pleasure it’s not the most he can possibly give. He slides his fist to the base of the cock, spreading his precome. Reiner urges Bertholdt to lift his head and he’s met with a frown. Before he can protest, Reiner leans down and slides the flat of his tongue across the cock’s head. Bertholdt yelps. Smooth bitterness spreads across his tastebuds. A taste so intimate and so incredibly _Bertl_ it makes him dizzy.

“Please keep doing that,” Bertholdt begs, gripping Reiner’s shoulders.

He’s never done this before, but how difficult can it be? Just emulate with his mouth what he does with his hand. He licks the sensitive underside and Bertholdt moans out what might be a four-letter word. His lips wrap around the end and he sucks hard before taking in a few inches.

Bertholdt gives a thrust. “You—you have no idea how good that feels.”

Reiner fights the urge to start touching himself because _god_ this is turning him on and he's grown rock hard. And so is his Bertl. Hard and hot with a prominent vein running down his shaft's side. He takes the cock out of his mouth for a moment just to lick across it.

This is nothing like their bashful playing doctor and nothing like the seven minutes in heaven with that cadet. Which he had to admit despite her enthusiasm, was mediocre for him. Holding her hips and thrusting into her only to find his mind wandering to what was going to be served for dinner that night. _Is it rye bread? Or a whole wheat? What kind of protein are they serving?_

Reiner never thought giving pleasure could be this arousing and make him feel so good. But he’s turning his best friend into an absolute wreck as he sucks up and down his length at an excruciatingly slow pace. Every second of it a slice of heaven.

A bead of sweat runs down his temple and he intensifies his mouthwork. Harder, faster, and with the most obscene sucking and slurping. Bertholdt becomes an even greater mess, moaning, panting, crying out his name and gripping his shoulders tight enough to hurt. Reiner lets out a pleased sound as he takes him a tad down his throat, almost triggering his small gag reflex.

Bertholdt digs in his nails. “I’m close.” He tenses. “...Reiner?”

Reiner snakes a hand around his waist to reassure him.

_I gotcha, babe._

A sharp gasp and Bertholdt trembles. Warmth floods Reiner’s mouth and he milks every last drop of his climax. Bertholdt’s breathing restarts in erratic bursts. Reiner removes his mouth and licks his lips clean before moving back to eye-level. A mixture of surprise and satisfaction claims his friend's features before he forms a tiny smile.

Reiner’s heart soars. No way is he thinking of those nightmares now. He envelops his mouth in a kiss to end the exchange, but it knocks the air from his lungs as he recalls his own arousal. Their lips separate by a fraction of an inch and Bertholdt moves his hand into Reiner's bottoms and wraps his hand around the leaking cock.

Reiner’s hips jerk. ”Wait! You don’t have to—”

“Shhh,” Bertholdt silences and starts pumping, dotting kisses on his neck as Reiner runs his hands underneath Bertholdt’s shirt.

He rolls his hips, fucking himself into his fist as he tries not to break the skin while he claws at Bertholdt’s back. There’s barely any room left between them and the heat stifles, but he’s still not close enough and he wants—no, _needs_ —to be enveloped by Bertholdt’s warmth. He becomes lost, drowning in the most incredible sensation of Bertholdt’s quick hand. Only a minute passes when he flies over the edge. Unbearable pleasure searing through him and painting Bertholdt’s hand and shirt white. He continues thrusting long after his climax is over before stilling and falling against him.

Quiet. The whole room is quiet save for Reiner’s heaving breaths. A distant sound of voices echoes from across camp.

“Hey,” Bertholdt says. “Thank you.”

He starts to ask what for when he remembers this started out of a desire to help him get back to sleep. It stings to his surprise, knowing this is a meaningless encounter. How could it not be? Bertholdt has been smitten with Annie for years. One day, he’ll tell her how he feels and once they return home—because they fucking _will_ —the two will be married. Unless Annie doesn’t feel the same way. Which would shock him because who could not be in love with someone as incredible as Bertholdt? The very notion offends him.

Years later, they’ll laugh awkwardly about the times in their youth they fooled around. Ruled by stress, hormones, and curiosity.

Reiner nods and pulls away. “Of course.” He starts to make himself decent. Bertholdt goes red again once he sees he left himself out of his underwear. Cock shiny with Reiner’s saliva as he stuffs it back inside.

Reiner motions to the stain on his shirt. “Sorry about that.”

“Huh?” He looks down at his shirt and blinks. “Oh, it’s fine. There’s a rag around here somewhere.”

Reiner shivers. The cool temperature of the room swirling around him and reminding him it’s not actually a sauna. “I’ll get one,” he says, planting his legs on the floor and grabbing a rag left behind on the opposite bunk.

The heat drains from his body as Bertholdt cleans his hands and shirt, wiping away all evidence. Already burying the experience and looking ahead. Reiner starts back to his bunk when Bertholdt grabs his wrist and stops him. They stare at each other for a moment. A plethora of unspoken words ping-ponging between them before Bertholdt lets go.

“Goodnight, Reiner.”


	2. Chapter 2

Ymir is telling dirty jokes again in the dining hall, and Reiner’s sure she has a list of them jotted down somewhere. “The difference between butter and boysenberry jam?” she asks. The table is silent. “No?”

Reiner knows the answer, but also knows she doesn’t _want_  an answer. She wants their reaction. Her cackle fills the room as she dells out the punchline. The other trainees groan, save for Jean. She knows her role among the cadets; the cool, yet crass older sister who will tell you where the adults hide the booze. A role she fits into with enviable authenticity.

He slips out the door in search of Bertholdt. The man has made himself scarce lately—at least verbally. Quiet among most people, there are often times alone with Reiner where he won't shut up. Those are his good days.

Armin crosses paths with him and as if reading his mind, says, “Bertholdt’s back by the armory if you’re wondering.” A dreamy look claims his face and Reiner wants to ask if he saw a unicorn, but he’s already gone.

Bertholdt’s exactly where Armin says he is. Standing by the weapons rack and absently tracing one of the ax's handles.

“Did Armin see a unicorn?” Reiner asks, determined to use the joke.

“They’re naive,” Bertholdt says, keeping his gaze on the weapon.

“Huh?”

“They actually think if you subtract the titans, the world out there is sparkling seas and mountains of gold.”

“Huh?” he repeats.

He casts an eye around the place, before gripping Reiner’s shoulder and urging him close. “Armin. He was telling me about this book his grandparents had back in Shiganshina about the outside world.”

He stiffens. “What? What book?”

“There was nothing in it we need to worry about. Long gone now anyway.”

Sparkling seas. They had never seen the ocean. The Marlean government unenthusiastic about granting beach vacations to their titan shifters. He imagines Eren, Armin, and Mikasa looking starry-eyed at that book. Like Bertholdt said, as if the world beyond the walls was some fantastical place full of wonder. Through all the blustering Eren does about killing all titans—and yes he always stresses the word _all—_ he can’t see the forest through the trees. He hopes for his sake he’ll die before he finds out who the real enemy is.

Yet if roles were reversed Reiner could see his younger self being similar.

_”Lakes full of salt water. Can you imagine accidentally drinking that?” Marcel says, gazing at the illustrated pages._

_“Who cares. I want to see it one day,” Reiner says, studying the pictures. “I’ll take you someday. All of you.”_

_“How?” Bertholdt asks._

_“We can give a horse coffee beans. He’ll be able to outrun any titan.”_

_Marcel gawks. “Coffee is so expensive.”_

_“Don’t care. I’ll make it happen. I promise.”_

“You up for sparring?” Bertholdt asks, pulling from the daydream.

“With me?”

“No, the trash bin behind you.” It’s a joke, but the edge to his voice is impossible to miss.

“Sure.” He grabs a staff from the rack, avoiding any piercing weapons as he recalls the time back home when he sliced off Bertholdt’s hand.

It was bad enough when the instructors would amputate parts of them in trying to hone their regeneration skills, but doing it himself, even by accident was too much for his young mind to handle. And Bertholdt who had become proficient in quick regrowth was too shaken to do it at first. Overwhelmed by the shock of his best friend hurting him. The instructors weren’t pleased.

They take their staffs and start toward a clear area when a shriek fills the air.

“ _Bertholdt_!”

Sasha.

The two turn as she barrels toward them.

Bertholdt shrinks back and she starts pounding her fists against his chest, crying, “It was you!” Jean told me he saw you! You stole my steamed potato! It was mine! I can’t believe _you_  did this!”

Normally, Reiner’s protective instincts would kick in, but it’s so funny he cracks up. “You did what?” he asks Bertholdt.

Bertholdt stands still, enduring her continuing blows. “I—I’m sorry, Sasha. It won’t happen again. You uh, you can have my rice patty tonight.”

She stops, gazing up at him with sparkling eyes. “Really?”

He nods. “Yeah. Of course.”

Her fists fall to her sides. “Thank you!”

“Hey,” Reiner starts, “she deserves more than that after your misdeed. You can have some of my bread too. Even sit with us if you want.” He pats her shoulder.

“Gosh, that’s really nice of you. Thanks, Reiner.” She gives a cheery smile. “Sorry, Bertholdt, I shouldn’t have hit you. Wait, you don’t think I’ll be punished for assault, do you?” She looks around the area—it’s mostly deserted at that time of day save for the few recruits watching them from the mess hall building.  
  
Reiner laughs. “Sasha, you’re fine.” He gestures his staff at Bertholdt. “He’s a tree. Takes a lot more than that to make him go timber. On that note, why don’t you stick around? We were about to spar. You can try taking him down yourself.”

Her shoulders fall. “I would. I just have to scrub the… um… after the... you know.”

“Oh, that. Right. Well, I’ll see you later.”

She gives a wave before going on her way, dragging her feet.

Reiner grins and steps in front of him. “You took her potato?”

He clears his throat. “I didn’t plan to. Sasha was inside begging the cook for one that’d been left out overnight by mistake. It’s been chilly enough at night that she insisted it hadn’t gone bad. Hannah was talking to her when he brought it out and set it down. So I took it and bolted.”

He laughs again. “That is the best thing I have heard in weeks.”

“Doesn’t mean I should’ve done it.”

“ _I’d_ never steal from Sasha. I’m everyone’s role model. But look at you, you devious bastard.”

Bertholdt comes at him with the staff and Reiner barely has enough time to block as he says, “Whoa, give a guy some warning!”

“When the time comes you’re not going to get a heads-up.”

He’s right, and since he hasn’t sparred with anyone in some time he can’t have his reflexes getting rusty. Though it’s not the case when they continue evenly matched. Bertholdt puts more heat behind it than usual. Even more clear when they get closer, pushing the rod horizontally against his.

“I give!” Reiner says, arms about to buckle. "Just take me down."

Bertholdt presses on, voice quaking from the strain. “Graduation. Just over a week away. We both have to be ready.”

_Is he mad at me?_

Of course he is. This is what he does when he’s mad. Never says so, instead showing it through a plethora of actions to be decoded. And god does Reiner _hate_ when he does this.

Fine. If he wants to play a game, then so be it.

Bertholdt’s not concentrating on keeping himself grounded, his knees bending a little too much and feet not planted on the ground. Clearly too caught up in whatever he’s trying to prove. So Reiner slides a foot out and trips him before shoving him back with the rod. His back meets the ground and he drops the staff beside him.

He smirks. “Knew I could make you go timber.” He’s being a class-A jerk by gloating, he knows that, but he’s not _petty_ so he leans down and holds out his hand.

Bertholdt lies there for a few moments and collects himself, chest heaving as he takes in oxygen. Skin damp with sweat while the tanned hues of his skin glow in the daylight. Memories from the cabin rush through his head and he feels dizzy.

The cabin. He’s done his best to avoid thinking of it and Bertholdt acts like it never happened. And he hadn’t been woken by a nightmare since. Yet despite his continuing irritation with the man, his pants tighten when Bertholdt finally accepts his hand and helps him to his feet.

“Good job,” Bertholdt says, dusting off his clothes. “Shadis won’t be giving you any grief.”

Bertholdt wears that brown jacket better than anyone else there, Reiner thinks. Its shortness accentuates his long torso and reminds him how much he loves his height—loves having to look up at him. He recalls the brief period Bertholdt was the shorter one and titled a ‘later bloomer’ and ‘runt of the litter.’ A few years later and he’s lamenting, _"Growth spurts are supposed to_ stop _eventually, right?"_

 _"Well if it doesn’t and you start getting all colossal on us we’re gonna look real suspicious,"_ Reiner had teased back.

Reiner decides to change the subject. “Who else you spar with lately? Anyone?”

“Yeah.” He takes his staff from the ground. “Amazingly, Annie.”

_Perfect topic._

“Oh, sweet. How intense was that up close and personal?”

“What?”

“You’re so transparent it’s sad.”

He blushes. “Maybe I just miss her.” He looks around—no one in hearing distance, yet he still lowers his voice. “She’s home. One of us whether she likes it or not. We’re supposed to be comrades.”

“Hey, I miss her too… a little. But she said in no uncertain terms to stay back. Just something else to joke about at your wedding.”

He sighs and grips the rod tighter. “I didn’t realize that was decided for me too.”

He blinked. “Decided for?”

“Nevermind.” He waves a hand and starts back to the weapons rack. “Let’s put these away.”

He follows. “No, I’m serious. What?” He doesn’t reply and after they reach the rack and place the weapons back, Reiner snaps and grabs his arm. “Damnit, Bertholdt, stop playing games and just tell me.”

His shoulders fall and he breathes a sigh. “Everything’s been decided for me. For both of us. Just thought maybe I’d get to choose something for myself. I don’t know how I feel about anything. Never been allowed to.”

“I was just kidding around. I’m sorry.”

“I know you were but it’s like—Sasha loves potatoes, right? So she takes one whenever she gets the chance. Knows she’s upset when she can’t have one because she wants it. Surely, someone’s told her it's not a big deal, it’s just food. But she does it anyway because it’s what she wants.”

“That why you took it?”

He waves his hands again. “Just forget it. I’m sorry I went off like that. And before after I told you about Armin’s book. It won’t happen again.”

“That wasn’t ‘going off.’ I’ll let you know when you’ve popped loose. You’re holding up great. Nothing wrong with a few nerves.”

“Right, I—what’s wrong with your hands?”

He holds up his palms to reveal red marks dotted with blood. He glances to the staff and sees it ripe with splinters. “Guess I was too focused to notice it was slicing me up.”

“There’s another thing Shadis will be glad to know. Work through the pain.” He leans closer. “Why don’t you heal them? Before anyone notices? It won’t make that much steam.”

“You _just_ said I should wear them as a badge of honor and 'work through the pain.'”

"Yeah, well. Maybe stage the whole thing and use it again later so everyone can see?”

“Right.” It’s a good idea, the more flash Reiner can put on the better, but his insistence is confusing. But whatever, at least Bertholdt's cooled down. “Let’s go inside then.” He gestures to the school building that would now be empty.

They slip inside unseen and make their way down to the end of a corridor free of windows. Reiner hesitates, listening in case there’s someone left. Quiet. Holding up his hands, a familiar wave of heat shoots through his veins followed by a larger than expected plume of steam. Bertholdt jumps forth and grabs hold of Reiner’s hands. The steam seeps out from between them and dissipates in the air.

“Didn’t think it’d make that much,” Reiner comments, staring at their interlocking grip.

For a microsecond, he swears their hands change. Lines of armor plating across red muscled tops of his fingers that curl around the colossal titan’s skinless ones. Bertholdt's heat seems to be radiating through his touch.

_Oh, god, Bertholdt…_

While his real body is never harmed by his titan’s deadly temperature it’s still painful. ‘Like being burned alive from the inside out,’ he tearfully confessed to him one night at home. A titan’s body is never comfortable no matter how much their trainers insisted they come to consider it as their second skin. But for Reiner, Annie, and Marcel, excluding the first times they changed, it never hurt. Not like how Bertholdt describes.

“It’s soon,” Reiner utters. “Really soon, and I haven’t brought it up since the retreat.” _That’s what he’s mad about_. “It’s gonna be hot. I forgot about that.”

He gives a weak nod. “I wish that’s all it was.”

“I’ve been ignoring everything about it, I’m sorry. Is there anything I can do?”

He exhales through his mouth, giving his hand a squeeze. “Just being here is good.”

“Of course.”

His mouth curves upward. “This. I like it when you’re like this.”

“Like how?”

“Just, you know, when you take the time.”

The soft look he's giving has Reiner wondering how preposterous kissing him would be. It wasn’t at the cabin. Bertholdt accepted his offer and clearly enjoyed it. And afterwards insisted on touching Reiner back. Hushing his protests before bringing him to an earth-shattering orgasm. One of those full-bodied life-affirming ones he had thought was a myth.

This must be another reason he’s been mad. Reiner shrugged off the encounter. Forgot about it. But they weren’t kids anymore fooling around for fun. Together they had grown from scared children to brave adults. And with all the hurdles adulthood brings, this might be another one he wants to share with his Bertl.

_Oh._

He does want him. Of course he does. There’s never been anyone else. Not that cadet for his image's sake whose name he can’t even remember. And while Krista is cute, charming, and he likes to look at her— _like Bertholdt does Annie?—_ he’s never looked at anyone like he does him.

Like when they were a week away from joining the military. The downtrodden citizens of their district hosting a tiny makeshift fireworks show to celebrate those who were going to fight for humanity. Bertholdt, Reiner, and Annie got a front row seat. Reiner can’t remember any of the lights in the sky, because he spent the whole time watching Bertholdt. The way his eyes sparkled and lights illuminated his face.

He’s so close to kissing him, lips mere inches apart now. But there's something important he has to ask.

“What did you mean when you said you wished the heat was all it was?”

He moves back a tad. “You know what I meant.”

“No, I want to hear you say it.”

He frowns, taking several long moments before beginning, “It’s not just about the pain. Or the suffering we cause. It’s that when I’m transformed it reminds me that I know I’ll do anything. For you and for Annie. I’d change right here, right now and destroy this whole camp. Burn them alive, chew them alive. If it saved you and Annie, I’ll do it without a second thought.” His voice cracks. “I’d personally make it so Eren, Armin, and Mikasa never see the ocean. All so we can see home again.”

Reiner doesn’t want to hear this. Of the monolithic dark burden on his shoulders. It’s one of the reasons he takes the forefront. Why he and Annie collaborate on the grittier details. All some feeble attempt to help the infamous colossal titan—mascot of humanity’s slaughter—feel there’s less blood on his hands. It’s pointless. They’re all soaked head to toe in blood.

Tears roll down his cheek as he continues, “If they hurt or killed either of you, I’d even… enjoying killing them, I think. I’ve dreamed about it a few times. I lied to you that night and said it was the usual kinda dream but it wasn't, it was one of those.” He casts his gaze down. “It scares me, knowing what I’ll do. It scares the shit of me, Reiner. Because if I cross that line, I know I wouldn’t be human anymore.”

The words shatters his image of Bertholdt the innocent one. The one who would never lose his humanity because there’s so much of it inside. Burning beneath the surface.

“You still think of yourself as human?”

He releases his hand. “I—I of course I do.” A flush forms on his temples. “What I do for you and you don’t even...” He looks to be biting his tongue.

“No, that’s not what I meant. Of course you are. I was just confused. I'm sorry." He pauses, his throat aching. "God, you must hate me.”

His eyes widen. “No. No, I don’t hate you. No, no, _never_. I promise. Reiner, I just want you to… to…”

“What?” He inches forward, gazing at his parted lips.

“To rein me in.” The tears wet his eyes again. “Because it’s unbearable. I just want my best friend.”

“Rein you in how?”

The flush moves to the apples of his cheeks. “I think you know.”

“Of course.” He grips his hand and brushes their thumbs together.

Bertholdt slides his arms around Reiner's waist before pulling him into a kiss. Reiner shuts his eyes and sinks into it, hands roaming from his hips up to hook around his shoulders and his pants again grow tight. The world slips away and they move to the nearest storage closet. It’s big enough that it has a high window allowing for decent light. Good. He couldn’t see him well enough last time.

Bertholdt is being that needy, potato-stealing, devious bastard and kissing at Reiner’s neck. Breathing out sinful puffs of hot air that raise goosebumps across his skin. He’s grinding against him and sliding off his jacket because this is it, he needs to feel his skin on his. He needs to rub their cocks together. Come all over his stomach. Coax out the most delicious whines. Pull his hair. Claw his back. Watch his face become so fucked out that he’s seeing stars.

Reiner takes off his own jacket and Bertholdt helps his shirt up and off. His green eyes go dark with lust before running his hands across his chest. Electrical sensations bolt across his skin at the touch and he fumbles, trying to unwrap all these _goddamn belts_ from his pants. The fasten on his boots is no easy task either. Bertholdt struggles with his and Reiner swears before snapping it in two, pulling the straps free before dropping their pants to the floor.

Bertholdt bites his lip before licking a stripe over his collarbone. Humming against his skin as he trails kisses across his chest. Every move so calculated that he can tell he's imagined doing this before.

Reiner runs his fingers through Bertholdt's dark hair. “That’s so good.”

He licks back up to his neck and finishes with a deep kiss to his mouth. Reiner slips Bertholdt's shirt over his head and repeats his actions across his chest. Groaning against his burning skin, fire spreading from where his lips meet flesh and beaming through his own body. When he stands back up, Bertholdt gives him an unexpectedly boyish smile, sending a flutter through his heart.

Reiner nuzzles his neck next, inhaling his oaky and musky aroma. “You smell like home.” He threads two fingers through the hair behind his ear.

Bertholdt just kisses him again and rolls his hips, a sound of impatience from his throat. Stepping back, he leans him slightly against an old desk, lowering him enough so they're at the same eye level. He takes his erection from his underwear and Bertholdt does the same. And _god_ is it beautiful and so fucking sexy when they position them together, grinding them and rubbing against their stomachs. He seems to be biting the inside of his cheek trying to keep quiet.

“Hey, it’s just you and me," Reiner says. "Tell me how it feels, Bertl.”

“G—good. Really good.”

He puts a hand in his hair again and gives a small tug. “Can I?” He nods, so he yanks him forth and sucks a mark on his neck. That makes Bertholdt go crazy and Reiner thinks he likes it a little rough.

They lace two hands together and with his free hand, Reiner grips both their cocks and pumps them against one another. He makes sure to apply extra pressure to the underside of Bertholdt's shaft as he strokes which elicits a mewl. Knowing they’re feeling the same thing at the same time turns him on even more.

Reiner then inches back a little. “Look at this, huh?" He glances below.

Bertholdt looks down too, eyes going wide and his throat bobs. “Yeah.”

He lets himself claw down his back, a bit harder than last time, not worried about breaking the skin. Bertholdt gives no protest, instead it seems to spur him on, rolling his hips rougher.

“Let's just—let's keep it just like this for a bit.”

They slow down, riding out the pleasure for a little while. But the incredible tension starts coiling too tight for him to hold on much longer.

“Almost,” Bertholdt whimpers. “Almost… al—” A sharp gasp and what sounds like a strangled attempt at ' _Reiner_.' He shudders as he comes, spurting on his stomach running down Reiner’s cock. His face and ejaculation is just about the most gorgeous thing he’s ever seen.

Bertholdt goes limp and Reiner’s thrusting becomes uneven. So close.

“You know," Bertholdt starts, still breathing heavily, “I’ve been touching myself thinking about you. That night. Your hand and your mouth.” He smiles a little, the devious bastard returning, knowing the effect he has. “I couldn’t help it.”

That sends him over the edge and there’s another one of those earth-shattering orgasms. His come spilling over Bertholdt’s chest and mixing with the other pool. He rides it out for as long as possible, whining in disappointment when it’s over.

They touch their foreheads together and Reiner shuts his eyes in content. His heart pounds in his chest as Bertholdt presses a kiss to his temple.

Yes, this is what he wants.

* * *

Reiner finds Bertholdt already asleep before everyone else which he takes credit for, having exhausted him earlier. Though he’s frustrated, wishing there weren’t so many people around because they’ve only just scratched the surface of things they could do together.

Oh well. He’s more than fine just lying beside him.

Bertholdt must have just fallen asleep because as he’s on his side and not in any of his famous odd positions.

Reiner slips beside him, trying not to wake him, but he stirs and mumbles, “Is it morning?”

He lies down and slides beneath the covers. “Not even close. It’s like ten at night.”

“Oh. Good.”

People chatter across the room, Connie and Marco speaking of graduation. The unwelcome thought enters his mind of how many of the people in this room are going to die soon. Die because of that perfect man lying dozing beside him.

He rolls onto his side, facing Bertholdt’s back. “What were you dreaming about?”

“Nothing.”

“Good.”

He moves closer and wraps an arm around him. They often end up practically snuggling anyway. Bertholdt often using Reiner as a human body pillow. No one among the bunks gives a second glance.

Neither does Sasha when she climbs the ladder to their bunk and goes, “Pssst.” They both look over and he feels Bertholdt tense. “Hey, I just wanted to say hanging with you at dinner was a lot of fun. Especially since I had an awful day. I regret not spending enough time with you guys over the past few years.”

“Well we haven’t graduated yet,” Reiner says, sitting upon his elbow. “Still a lot of dinners left.”

“That’s right.” She smiles. “Oh! I heard you only got a ninety on that test of what's edible beyond the walls. I know them all."

The most boring class in the entire academy. The ninety was only because he confused two similar plants from Marley and Eldia. A mistake unable to arouse suspicion, but it made him nervous nonetheless.

"Great idea. I'd— _we'd—_ " he nudges Bertholdt with his knee, "love to."

"Great! Well, I should get out of here before the guards think I'm sneaking in to do something unsavory. Goodnight.”

“Goodnight, Sasha.”

 _Goodbye, Sasha_ , he thinks, wondering when she’ll die. In a few days? Weeks? Months? By a titan that swallows whole or a quirky one that likes to rough them up a bit first? Or will she die directly by him, Bertholdt, and or Annie? Will she die knowing Reiner as as strapping cadet Braun or some kind of armor-plated nightmare? One thing is for sure, and that is she'll die knowing who she is—and that she loves potatoes.

A shiver wracks his body despite Bertholdt’s warmth. He grips him tighter, trying to soothe himself with his heat and push away all grim thoughts. There’s no point in dwelling on the inevitable. Bertholdt grips his hand and moves his thumb in slow, smooth circles. The same thumb he'll soon injure to transform. He can't help the memory that floods his senses.

_“Just bite down,” Reiner instructs, trying to steady his voice._

_Bertholdt holds up his trembling hand. The wall of Shiganshina district still tall. Dried tears stain his face._

_This is stupid. They are both ready for this. They've prepared for years. Ready until they saw what titans did. What one did to his friend. Exactly what many more were going to do to the people on the other side of that wall. But it had to happen. It was either Marley or Eldia. Simple. That’s just how the world works. Bertholdt knows that too, doesn’t he?_

_“Bertholdt, for god’s sake!” Reiner exclaims, shoving Bertholdt’s hand to his mouth. “Just bite. It’s not that hard.”_

_He pushed against Reiner’s grasp. “Y—you do it. Bite it or use the knife in your bag and stab my hand. It won’t hurt you if you get away before the change.”_

_“I can’t. I can’t do it for you.”_

_“Please?”_

_His chin trembles.“I can’t do it for you, but I can help you do it.” He pushes back Bertholdt's hand. “It's okay, I gotcha. Now bite down.”_

_He stays still._

_“How about on three? One…” Reiner realizes he’s squeezing the life from Bertholdt’s hand and tries to loosen it, but he doubts his friend even notices. “Two…” He contemplates his own shifting to follow, worrying if he’ll be unable to do it either. “Three.”_

_Bertholdt gulps and gazes down before pressing his eyes shut and chomping down. Electricity buzzes through the air and Reiner lurches back, mouthing, "It's gonna be okay."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope this was mildly enjoyable. Your thoughts, comments, and opinions are welcome and encouraged!


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